A Beta and a Guppy

I'm starting out with a verse today instead of a quote at the end.

Php 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything. Instead, in every situation, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, tell your requests to God. And the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your heats and minds in Christ Jesus.

This verse is going to get me through this first trimester. Well, as long as I commit to living it as best as I can. Some moments I feel like I'm succeeding and others I feel like I'm failing miserably. I guess the most important part is that each time I fall, I say a prayer while I'm on my knees, and get back up.

My first beta was taken at 14dpo and it was 227. My second beta was taken at 20dpo and it was 4,900! The hcg hormone should double every two to three days. Mine did that and then some! I went in for a sonogram yesterday and saw the gestational sac. My RE's nurse (the lovely Theresa who has been so great to me) said everything is looking great. Deep breathe in, and let it out... I've been taking lots of deep breaths lately.

I will also take the advice of a friend and stop googling things. I should have heeded this advice sooner b/c the internet can be an evil place for a worrier. It's a breeding ground for bad information, scary scenarios, and things that I don't even need to be putting in my head. So from now on, I'm staying away from any search engines. Putting it here will make it feel more like a contract that I'm obligated to abide by. So consider this an official contract.

In other news, our little babe has a nickname. I'd been thinking about it and it suddenly came to me. He or she is our little Guppy! One of the main reasons being that Jason used to have me in stitches with a "guppy face" he would make. After my sonogram I called Jason to let him know that we have one guppy in the tank.

Next sonogram is scheduled for next Thursday. Are we there yet?

YES, I AM!!!

So after days of speculation I got the official answer yesterday.

I AM PREGNANT!

I am so incredibly blessed! Being pregnant again has brought so many emotions with it. Gratitude, amazement and pure joy. It's also brought back some not so friendly emotions. The mean kind that pick at your insecurities and fears. The first day I really started to realize I was pregnant was actually a very difficult day. Just hours after I took a test I had some brown spotting and immediately panicked. Even though I knew it could be perfectly normal, I was overcome with anxiety. I don't want to taint this entry with those negative things though, I'm putting those behind me (or doing my best to do so anyway). Since then I have had blood work and everything is looking great! Yesterday I bought a baby name book, something I've been wanting to do for a long time. Looking through all the names got me so excited at the thought of us having a little person to name in 9 months. I'm making a conscious effort to focus my energy on thinking positively and imagining this all happening just the way we dreamed. Being pregnant is such a gift and I want to enjoy all of it! (I have a sneaking suspition that there will be a day in the next 9 months that I will laugh at myself for being so naive, but that's okay, being naive has it's perks.)

Even though I was instructed not to test at home b/c the hcg trigger could give a false positive, I decided to test anyway. I searched the internet for information on how long the hcg trigger usually stays in the system and found that plenty of girls test out the trigger so they know if they have a true positive. So the time line went as follows:

dpo=days past ovulation
dpt=days past trigger
fmu=first morning urine
smu=second morning urine

9dpo (10dpt) - smu, very faint +, thought it was definitely the trigger
10dpo (11dpt) - fmu, very faint +, thought it might be the trigger
11dpo (12dpt) - fmu, still faint +, suuuper bloated in evening!, hmm...
12dpo (13dpt) - fmu, a little darker +, major bloat!, maybe??
13dpo (14dpt) - fmu, darker +, Ok this might be for real!!!
14dpo (15dpt) - pg. test at doc (smu), test line darker than control line!!! blood tests say yes!!!

AHHHHHHHH!!!!

My beta was 227 and my progesterone was 112. My RE's nurse said things look great! I go back next Monday for another blood test to see where my numbers are. I'm praying that things continue to go well and we will be holding a baby in our arms next May. It's the most wonderful thing to daydream about.

(Pics of the bfp to come)

"A grand adventure is about to begin."
~Winnie the Pooh

Am I or Not?

I'm just twiddling my thumbs while I'm in the two week wait. Really, one of the worst things about ttc is the not knowing. If I knew I wasn't, at least I could start to cope. If I AM then I'd like to go ahead and start celebrating!

I took a picture of our tree this afternoon. In just about a week we went from no blooms, to this!

So now is it time to invoke the attitude of my Jr. High math teacher and believe in the power of positive thinking?

Bfp. Bfp. Bfp. Mrs. Tower would be proud.

Symptom Status: None
Side Effect Status: Clomid causes increased appetite? How about - ravenous, can I get my hands on a burger, fries, milkshake and super size that please - appetite. I will be practicing some major self control in the days to come or I will definitely LOOK pregnant.
Mental Status: I'm doing my best to imagine some rapidly dividing cells in that uterus of mine.

"Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana."
~Groucho Marx
(I beg to differ with Groucho!)

Blooming Omen

I am officially in the two week wait!

It all started yesterday with a good omen (or at least what I took as a good omen). I looked out in my backyard and saw the first set of blooms on our crepe myrtle. This is tree we planted on our angel's due date and I've been waiting all this time to see some blooms. I went in for my ultrasound and I was pleasantly surprised to find out that I had two follicles on the right and one on the left. I got my trigger shot and was told to return today for my IUI. This morning I checked on our tree again and saw a few more blooms. Excellent!

Some personal details aside, I think it all went very well! The most difficult part of the procedure was the tenaculum my doctor had to use. My cervix is always a bit shy and the tenaculum is used to pull on the cervix and make it easier to insert the catheter. Do me a favor and do NOT google tenaculum. Trust me, the pictures are scary and it is even scarier in person. The procedure itself only took about 5 minutes and then I got to lay there and relax for about 20 minutes. I brought along my iPod and Joshua Radin sang to me while I relaxed. When I was laying there I was thinking about how surreal the whole procedure is. I started contemplating on how different this is than how I imagined baby making to be. I never thought it would include words like...

Speculum
Tenaculum
Sterile Cup
Catheter
Stirrups
Insemination
Specimen
Centrifuge

But, the only important part is that at some point we are rewarded for all this work. Then the real work will begin. Something I have learned from this is that Jason and I can laugh at ourselves. Our texting back and forth while I was at the doctor's office is proof of that. I would include some of it here but fear I would be embarrassed later on.

TTC Status: CD14 and already in the 2ww!
Mental Status: Feeling positive and relieved
Energy Status: Still exhausted after our reunion weekend

"There is no such cozy combination as man and wife."
~Menander

A Hot 7th Anniversary (not the kind you imagine)

A dear old friend has come to visit. A friend that I did not miss and hoped to keep at bay for many, many years to come (or at least until menopause). Hot flashes have returned to my life. It's been about a year since I dealt with this. I'm not sure if irony is the best way to describe the fact that it has just so happened to align with the hottest months of the summer.... again! Oh well, it's not so bad. It just means waking up in a sweat, taking off whatever layers are between me and the fan and spreading each limb for maximum body surface-to-fan ratio. Hopefully it just means that the Clomid will do it's job in the follicle department.

In other news, Jason and I celebrated our 7th anniversary on Monday. Well I use the term "celebrated" loosely. We have yet to exchange cards or actually do anything other than me receiving a beautiful bouquet of red roses which are now adorning my kitchen table. The celebrating part will be in the weeks to come. Plans are still sketchy but definitely in the works. Probably just an evening out and a night in a hotel. I'm looking forward to it though, whatever it turns out to be.

Tomorrow we are off to Lubbock for a surprise birthday party for my Grandmother's 80th and a surprise reunion wrapped into one. The theme? Vegas. Better get my poker face ready.

TTC Status: Due for an ultrasound on Monday to check the follies
Mental Status: Excited to try something new
Side Effect Status: So far hot flashes are about it
Dinner Status: Leftover homemade veggie lasagna (yum)
SYTYCD Status: The finale starts tonight! Go Jeanine!

"She was inspired by a major hot flash and a bottle of wine."
~Kathi Glist
(This was in reference to the author of "Menopause the Musical". I seem to be missing the bottle of wine.)

Ethel's Revenge

Let me just try to sum up yesterday in the least amount of words as possible.

CD1, sharp pains, cramps, prescription pain killers (in vain), crying, floor, vomit (toilet, trash can), sweating, shaking, doctor's office, sonogram, functional cyst rupturing, fluid in pelvic culdesac, napping. Yes, that was yesterday.

After another horribly painful rupturing cyst, my doctor has decided to only allow me to take 50mg of Clomid. Evidently when I ovulate on the left side it's just going to hurt like hell. Just for fun it appears I've ovulated on the left side three consecutive cycles, thank you body. So basically more Clomid, equals more follicles, equals more cysts, equals me in horrible pain. I know the pain of one cyst rupturing, I seriously cannot, and do not, want to imagine the pain of any more than that. I'm now somewhat terrified of taking the Clomid since it's whole purpose is to help you ovulate more eggs each cycle. Let's just hope the right ovary is more cooperative than the left. Lucy, it's time to let Ethel know who is boss.

So tomorrow is the beginning of a new path. I start Clomid and our IUI cycle will be in full swing. So here we go.

From the end spring new beginnings.
~Pliny the Elder

Waiting

::tapping fingers to pass the time::

Please stand by. Waiting is not exactly the most fun part of ttc. And there sure is a lot of it that goes on.