Unique

Thank you Jennifer Saake for understanding exactly how I feel. The following in an excerpt from Hannah's Hope.

I dreaded the intended comfort, "At least now you know you can get pregnant." Prior conception was no guarantee that future pregnancy would be possible. Even if I could conceive again, I had no track record to assure myself that pregnancy could end in live birth. And should the Lord be gracious enough to allow us to bring home a living baby in the future, no child could replace this unique one I had just lost.

Exactly. While I will continue to have faith that Jason and I have biological children in our future, this summarizes so much of what I have felt since our miscarriage. No matter what happens, we will always have a baby in Heaven. Sometimes it physically hurts I miss him so much. Sometimes it seems like a miracle that we have someone that is a part of us in Heaven.

On another note, I saw plenty of pregnant women today. There is something about Target that attracts pregnant women on weekdays in the afternoon. I should create a slug bug game, but replace "slug bug, red!" with "preggo, isle 12!". I've gotten good at guessing if a woman is pregnant even when I'm directly behind her. It must be the walk? Somtimes the clothes are a giveaway too. But I am finally feeling a lot less stressed when seeing preggos out and about. I think because I feel like I will be one of them soon. It was a lot harder when I still only felt like I should be one of the now. That part of me has finally started to quite down. Is that what we call "healing"?