Appointment Update

Just a quick note to say that my appointment went well. My doctor said that the sonogram did not show anything to be concerned about and that adhesions are probably the culprit. I was pretty much convinced that this was the case, but I feel better hearing it from my doctor. He also said that I could come back and start Clomid whenever I wanted to. Jason and I talked about it and if nothing has happened by August then we may start taking a more aggressive approach to this. We are both hoping that Clomid will not be necessary!

Floor, Chords and Planting in a Row

There is not much to report on the ttc front. I have an appointment tomorrow with my RE for a sonogram. It's been a year since he removed my fallopian tube and it is time to find out why I'm still having pain. It's probably nothing, but I will feel better hearing that from my doctor.

In other news, we are getting closer to new flooring. I'm dreading the actual work being done but I will be thrilled when it is all finished. Daisy threw up on the carpet the other day (our fault for not being home in time to feed her by her strict eating time). I explained to her that this will be unacceptable after the new carpet is put in. Is it possible to train a dog to throw up on tile floors only? Better yet, a trash can? If we are home she will run to the back door, so she must realize that throwing up indoors is less than preferable. Enough about that. I will be sure to post before and after pics of the flooring when the time comes.

I have always loved the sound of acoustic music. I thought it would be great if I could learn to play guitar (and even better if I could sing, but what can ya do?). So I decided that maybe I should just try and learn. Latey I have felt so much like my life is on hold. Trying to conceive for two years will do that to you I guess. So I thought maybe if I had a project that would show actual results I would feel like I'm still moving forward. Today Jason and I picked up a beginner Fender guitar. I learned how to tune it and have even practiced a few chords. On a related note, the fingers on my left hand are a little sore as I type. :)

Last but not least, the yard is getting a bit of sprucing up now that Spring has arrived. Yesterday was all about weeding out... well, the weeds. I hope to do some planting this week in our front yard. I hope to eventually get a little garden going in the back yard, but I will focus on the front first. I'm sure our neighbors will appreciate that.

What's Luck Got To Do, Got To Do With It?

Unlucky?

Lucky?

Which is it?

Both I suppose. Or rather it is all part of a much bigger plan that I will discover one day, one minute, one second at a time.

Yesterday I woke up and immediately broke into tears. I am facing what I fear to be another failed cycle of trying and I just had to cry. I cried because I was born with less than stellar reproductive organs. I cried because I wish I was still pregnant. I cried because on top of all of that, my mother is facing breast cancer. I felt angry, sad, frustrated and confused. Mostly I felt overwhelmed. The feeling of unlucky washed over me and I just had to cry. Sometimes the gray areas of your life muddle the bright and happy colors that truly surround you. The fact that I have a loving husband, a wonderful family, caring friends, sweet coworkers, the best little dog and a comfortable life just get lost somewhere in the mix. Luckily those days are much fewer than the good days. They seem to be somewhat of a necessary evil for me though. It seems that I have a reserve for all of the bad feelings and when I hit my limit it is time to purge. Yesterday was purge day. Today was a much better day. I spent it with Jason who had put in a 13 hour day yesterday (Saturday!). I missed him and was so glad to have a day just for the two of us. Days like today help me remember to have a little more gratitude and a little less attitude.

Did I just say that with a serious face?

They Say it's Your Birthday

So, today is my birthday. It may sound a bit dramatic, but I've been a little bummed about turning another year older. I thought we would have our first child when I was 26. Now here I am turning 28 without children and without a pregnancy. I remember in October I was imagining all of the things I would be doing pregnant. My birthday was one of them. I feel like I'm following this imaginary time line. The time line of my would-be pregnancy. I wonder if I will feel any different after June 7th, our due date. I also wonder what my 29th birthday will look like next year. I'm optimistic.

But it hasn't been a complete bust. We had our family birthday party last weekend. Jason and I also went to Macaroni Grill on Sunday and I had some delicious grilled salmon, risotto and tiramisu. Tonight Jason and I decided to finally try some sushi. We have been talking about trying it out to see what the fuss is about. Tonight seemed as good a night as any. So about that...

I hate sushi! I didn't know it until tonight, but I think sushi must be the most over hyped food ever. The thing about it is that you cannot really take small bites. It is all or nothing. So I went all in. I put the Philadelphi Roll in my mouth and immediately regretted it. Ew. Next I tried the California Roll and it was only tolerable but verging on gross. I managed to eat a few of the slices and then started listing all of the fast food places on the way home. Jason and I couldn't stop laughing about it. Our waiter cleared our plates and asked how we liked it. Somehow we managed to get around answering that question. Oh, and my Sonic corndog and chocolate malt were delicious.

I'm a simple gal.