Unlucky?
Lucky?
Which is it?
Both I suppose. Or rather it is all part of a much bigger plan that I will discover one day, one minute, one second at a time.
Yesterday I woke up and immediately broke into tears. I am facing what I fear to be another failed cycle of trying and I just had to cry. I cried because I was born with less than stellar reproductive organs. I cried because I wish I was still pregnant. I cried because on top of all of that, my mother is facing breast cancer. I felt angry, sad, frustrated and confused. Mostly I felt overwhelmed. The feeling of unlucky washed over me and I just had to cry. Sometimes the gray areas of your life muddle the bright and happy colors that truly surround you. The fact that I have a loving husband, a wonderful family, caring friends, sweet coworkers, the best little dog and a comfortable life just get lost somewhere in the mix. Luckily those days are much fewer than the good days. They seem to be somewhat of a necessary evil for me though. It seems that I have a reserve for all of the bad feelings and when I hit my limit it is time to purge. Yesterday was purge day. Today was a much better day. I spent it with Jason who had put in a 13 hour day yesterday (Saturday!). I missed him and was so glad to have a day just for the two of us. Days like today help me remember to have a little more gratitude and a little less attitude.
Did I just say that with a serious face?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
You know I feel like I'm reliving parts of my life when I read your blog. As I read today's, I was reminded of a scripture that helps me through tough times....it is in either Psalms or Proverbs--but is says something to the effect that weeping may endure for the night but joy cometh in the morning.
I hope your morning comes soon. HUGS!!
Post a Comment