I've been thinking about how to keep this blog going without it feeling like a place of perpetual deja vu. I don't want to come here and repeat myself each month. Each cycle it's the same story... I'm waiting to ovulate. Then, after 20 or so days of waiting, the magical ovulation takes place... and the waiting continues. I try to ignore the fact that I'm in the two week wait. I try to pretend I'm not noticing every twinge. Then at some point, I realize that we weren't successful once again. How many times can I say that it's hard to see pregnant women? How many times can I say that I miss being pregnant? How many times can I say that I wish I hadn't had a miscarriage? I'm sure as heck tired of it, I'm sure it gets old reading about it. But that is my life right now. I live it one cycle at a time.
Yesterday I was at the grocery store and I was contemplating how much trouble I would get in (and how crazy I would look) if I were to take something off the shelf and hurl it with all the force I could muster. At the same time I wanted to curl into a ball and burst into tears. Uh oh, I recognize these psychotic emotions. PMS. So, not only was I trying to deal with irrational anger and sadness, I was realizing that pms can only mean one thing. Really? Again? Why?
Looks like a visit to the doctor is just around the corner. I've already made an appointment but I haven't decided if I'm keeping it or if I'm going to push it back one more cycle. One more cycle could be the difference for us and that is always my hope. Hope is one of those things that seems to come and go these days. I guess it's always in there somewhere or I would give this up all together. Today I realized this is our 6th failed cycle of trying since the miscarriage. 7 is one of my favorite numbers... lucky number 7 is just around the corner, right? Right. Hope.
TTC Status: CD 30, 11 DPO, not even going to bother testing
Mental Status: better than yesteray...
Mom's Status: healing and doing better everyday!
Weather Status: hot, hot, hot
Perseverence is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did.
~Newt Gingrich
~Newt Gingrich
1 comment:
I say wait to go to the doctor until January. All you have to have are things to get you through the next few months. And I can think of some for the upcoming months. Well you got July 4th, August-your wedding anniversary, September-Labor day weekend, October-Halloween, November-Thanksgiving, December-christmas. This is how I get through work from January to May. I tell myself the fun months are coming up. Although I really feel they should add a national holiday somewhere in there. So I have a feeling the rest of the year will go by much faster and you will have much more luck.
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