What's Up Doc?

I've seen my doctor and his nurses more than my family lately. I had yet another sonogram today. Yesterday I had some spotting and some cramping so I talked to one of the nurses at my OB's office. She told me to come in today to get things checked out. Guppy is looking good as ever with a heart rate around 170. I even saw him/her move a little which evidently is a new talent that developed in the last day or so. I sort of felt like an idiot walking into their office after being there two days ago but they couldn't have been nicer. I'm seriously blessed to have such wonderful people taking care of me, I cannot say that enough. So for you viewing pleasure, my sonogram photo.

The black area is the gestational sac. On the left side there is a bumpy area and that is the placenta forming. You can sort of make out the umbilical cord coming from the baby toward the left side. It's normal for the head to be large in porportion to the body but with Jason's large melon I think our baby is destined to have a big head (brain, I mean). :D

Our Growing Guppy

I had my first official OB appointment today! It started out with lots of questions, an exam and then they took about a gallon of blood. I feel fortunate that it doesn't bother me to have my blood taken, I find it sort of fascinating actually. The speed at which the blood pumps into those vials... whatever, I'm weird. It may sound strange but I looked forward to all this because I'm all for being treated like a pregnant lady.

The torturous wait for the sonogram was well worth it. I go into the room and I know the routine. Get undressed from the waist down, get the paper gown, feet in the stirrups, it's second nature at this point. Then the Sonographer instructed me to get on the table. What? I get to keep my pants on for once? I realized that I left my modesty in April of 2008 when all this began. The number of times I've had a date with the "wand" cannot be recalled at this point (it would take my fingers, toes and then I'd have to borrow your fingers and toes...) but I'm happy to leave it in my past.

This time I not only got to see our baby's heartbeat, I got to hear it. The most amazingly beautiful sound that I look forward to hearing again.

5 weeks


6 weeks


7 weeks


8 weeks

(Obviously it's not the norm to have this many sonograms. It's been an eventful couple of weeks but we are so incredibly grateful to be blessed with this baby!)

Wearing Mascara Again, That's a Good Sign

Where to start? My absence around here can be explained but I'm not sure if there is a short version to the story. All is well now but last Wednesday I feared what was to come. It all started the night before my sonogram on Thursday when a trip to the bathroom sent me into a bit of panic. Brown spotting isn't necessarily a reason to freak out but after my last experience it really didn't help put my mind at ease. Jason and I went into my sonogram Thursday morning a bit nervous and guarded (or at least I was). Then it all started to unravel. The sonogram showed a fetus but no heartbeat. The sac looked irregular and my doctor's exact words were "it doesn't look good". In the midst of my grief he was talking about coming back Monday for another sonogram b/c they always take a second look but to prepare for a d&c that afternoon. I was given instructions not to eat after midnight Sunday and we were sent home to spend the weekend mourning another loss. We broke the news to family and friends, and sheltered ourselves from the world for a few days. I kept thinking about how almost exactly one year before we were dealing with the same emotions. All the emotions that come with a loss, and especially after working so hard to get pregnant.

So Monday rolls around and as much as I didn't want to be going through it, there was a sort of acceptance of what was going to happen that day. Acceptance may be overstating, but we were going through it whether we liked it or not. We went in for the sonogram and then the shock of my life. A heartbeat. I look up at Jason, he had tears in his eyes and a smile that melts my heart. I, on the other hand, was in a complete state of shock. I didn't know how to absorb what was happening. This time the gestational sac looked perfect and round. How can this be? My mom is in the waiting room and we come out and tell her. In a mixture of confusion and tears (hers, not mine) she tried to understand what we were saying to her. We scheduled another sonogram scheduled for that Thursday. Fine by me, some extra piece of mind is definitely welcome. The shock doesn't wear off for days. Thursday rolls around and I hold my breath as the sonogram begins. Right away there is the evidence of a beautiful heart beating. Our Guppy has grown and things are looking good. I cannot express how wonderful that is to hear.

So, the explanation. It seems as though we started out with twins. Two embryos must have implanted but one didn't make it. Miscarrying one caused there to be fluid in my uterus and obscured the view of our healthy baby in the first sonogram. So all that time we had a heartbeat and a healthy gestational sac. It turns out that vanishing twin syndrome may be relatively common but most women don't have sonograms in the first few weeks and so it happens without anyone knowing. I've read up on it some and the prognosis for our little Guppy is good. How could it not be? He or she has two guardian angels.

Today was the first time I've thrown up since being pregnant. Lots of nausea off and on but so far I had escaped that rush to the bathroom. I've never felt so honored to have my head in a toilet.

A Beta and a Guppy

I'm starting out with a verse today instead of a quote at the end.

Php 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything. Instead, in every situation, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, tell your requests to God. And the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your heats and minds in Christ Jesus.

This verse is going to get me through this first trimester. Well, as long as I commit to living it as best as I can. Some moments I feel like I'm succeeding and others I feel like I'm failing miserably. I guess the most important part is that each time I fall, I say a prayer while I'm on my knees, and get back up.

My first beta was taken at 14dpo and it was 227. My second beta was taken at 20dpo and it was 4,900! The hcg hormone should double every two to three days. Mine did that and then some! I went in for a sonogram yesterday and saw the gestational sac. My RE's nurse (the lovely Theresa who has been so great to me) said everything is looking great. Deep breathe in, and let it out... I've been taking lots of deep breaths lately.

I will also take the advice of a friend and stop googling things. I should have heeded this advice sooner b/c the internet can be an evil place for a worrier. It's a breeding ground for bad information, scary scenarios, and things that I don't even need to be putting in my head. So from now on, I'm staying away from any search engines. Putting it here will make it feel more like a contract that I'm obligated to abide by. So consider this an official contract.

In other news, our little babe has a nickname. I'd been thinking about it and it suddenly came to me. He or she is our little Guppy! One of the main reasons being that Jason used to have me in stitches with a "guppy face" he would make. After my sonogram I called Jason to let him know that we have one guppy in the tank.

Next sonogram is scheduled for next Thursday. Are we there yet?