I've recently been pushed into the world of facebook. I resisted, but ultimately there was defeat. I spent too much time typing up 25 things about myself today and decided it felt like an entry to a blog. A "get to know me" blog entry I guess. So here are 25 random things you may or may not have known, and may or may not care about. Enjoy.
1. I save spiders and put them outside. The other day I had this spider that would not get on the paper. I told him it was his fault he was going to die. RIP little spidey.
2. When Jason and I get into a wrestling match, I always believe if I will myself to be stronger, I can beat him. I must make a funny face when I decide that I AM stronger than him b/c he always starts laughing at the expression on my face. Sometimes him being distracted helps me out a little, but not enough to win.
3. Please don't put your finger in my ear. You may get slapped. You've been warned.
4. I could eat chocolate cake for breakfast. With a big glass of milk. "Dad is great... gives us chocolate cake" - Bill Cosby (I don't by the way, I just could.)
5. I never would have thought I would be interesting in politics and government. My parents didn't really talk about politics, but at some point I started paying a lot more attention. It probably would have been better for my health if I had never started paying attention.
6. I will never understand how women walk in four inch heals on an uneven surface without breaking an ankle. Did I miss the seminar?
7. I still want to learn how to play guitar.
8. I love reading. Like my mom says, when you finish a good book it is like saying goodbye to a friend. May sound corny, but it's true.
9. I've been rewatching my old favorite show Felicity (thank you Elizabeth) and Keri Russell is a great actress. She really is. I pretty much believe that if we were to meet than we would be friends.
10. I don't think I have adequate blood flow to my hands and feet. In the winter they get so ridiculously cold even when I'm all bundled up.
11. I hope my dog knows that I love her. I tell her through belly rubs. She may have been acquired on an impulse, but it turned out to be a great decision. Our house feels very empty if she isn't here.
12. I don't intimidate the kids at work. I've tried to make that mom - I'm serious, you better listen to me! - face, but it doesn't seem to affect them most of the time. Another seminar I missed? I actually checked out that face in the mirror one day. Didn't scare me.
13. I have the greatest family. That goes for immediate and extended. Fact.
14. I also have the greatest parents.
15. My iPod and I have a special relationship. It's always there for me. Waiting rooms, scary plane rides, long road trips, sleepless nights. All my favorite songs and Scrubs episodes in one place, what could be better?
16. Yogurt tastes so good, I wish it didn't make me gag.
17. I am not part of the feminist movement. Open the door for me! I promise to say thank you and mean it.
18. I have an internal clutter meter. I can stand a little clutter for a little while, but at some point it can be no more. The clutter must go. When I do get to the boiling point I'm usually pretty irritable. I'm sure Jason is fully aware of this fact.
19. I completed a book that had 534 Sudoku puzzles in it. I did them all myself and I didn't cheat once. I carried that book around with me everywhere.
20. I love that Jason gives me a kiss before work and first thing when he gets home.
21. For as long as I can remember, I cannot sleep with my hair under my neck. It feels all prickly. My hair is always all pushed up above my head. I must look ridiculous when I sleep.
22. I have a pretty good ear when it comes to pitch, but I cannot sing worth anything. That doesn't stop me from singing in my car. Sometimes I will stop when I'm sitting at a red light, but other times I don't care if someone is laughing at me. Why not brighten someone's day by making myself look like an idiot?
23. My right ear is higher than the left.
24. I love doing puzzles. I get a little obsessed.
25. I will be a mother someday.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
This and That
There is not much to report on the home front.
We finally finished celebrating Christmas last weekend. I enjoyed being in Tyler with my family. Home cooked meals, exchanging gifts, lots of dogs, a pretty Christmas tree, a puzzle and my fam. All things I enjoy. It went by too fast, but those sort of weekends always do.
I had a good week at work. I need to start writing down some of the things these kids say. When they are not driving me crazy, they are making me smile.
For some mysterious reason I keep checking on the birth board that I was on. Sometimes it is comforting to know that so many of them are having healthy pregnancies and it gives me hope. Other times it just hurts that I am not progressing right along with them. We would have known the gender by now. I would have a cute round belly. We would be reading baby name books and talking about themes for the nursery. I would be shopping at maternity stores. We would have sonogram photos on our fridge. I miss our angel so much.
With all that said I'm still feeling very hopeful. I feel like good things are going to come and it is only a matter of time.
We finally finished celebrating Christmas last weekend. I enjoyed being in Tyler with my family. Home cooked meals, exchanging gifts, lots of dogs, a pretty Christmas tree, a puzzle and my fam. All things I enjoy. It went by too fast, but those sort of weekends always do.
I had a good week at work. I need to start writing down some of the things these kids say. When they are not driving me crazy, they are making me smile.
For some mysterious reason I keep checking on the birth board that I was on. Sometimes it is comforting to know that so many of them are having healthy pregnancies and it gives me hope. Other times it just hurts that I am not progressing right along with them. We would have known the gender by now. I would have a cute round belly. We would be reading baby name books and talking about themes for the nursery. I would be shopping at maternity stores. We would have sonogram photos on our fridge. I miss our angel so much.
With all that said I'm still feeling very hopeful. I feel like good things are going to come and it is only a matter of time.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Tabula Rasa!
I've been feeling guilty about my last post. Scowling at pregnant women? It is not my proudest moment and I'm not sure it was really a scowl... more of an annoyed eye roll that had nothing to do with the perfectly pleasant women. I was just having a "why me, why now" moment. I know I probably have too many of those and so that is something I'm working on. I really am happy for all these women who are fortunate enough to be pregnant, it's just that my own hurt sometimes clouds reality. For that reason I am making a bit of a resolution.
It is January, the start of a new year. Today was also the start of a new cycle which means our first cycle trying again was unsuccessful. I'm okay because I was already sure I was not pregnant. So it is a fresh start. New year, new cycle, new attitude. I've even started a new book that I think may help. Some of the real motivation came from a compliment I received recently. A compliment that I didn't really deserve. A friend said that I have shown grace despite the complications and our loss. Well, I would hate to make a liar out of anyone, so grace is my goal. There are bound to be a few relapses, but admitting the problem is the first step to recovery, right?
It is January, the start of a new year. Today was also the start of a new cycle which means our first cycle trying again was unsuccessful. I'm okay because I was already sure I was not pregnant. So it is a fresh start. New year, new cycle, new attitude. I've even started a new book that I think may help. Some of the real motivation came from a compliment I received recently. A compliment that I didn't really deserve. A friend said that I have shown grace despite the complications and our loss. Well, I would hate to make a liar out of anyone, so grace is my goal. There are bound to be a few relapses, but admitting the problem is the first step to recovery, right?
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Three Preggos and a Pap
First, I get to complain. It really does make me feel better so consider the next two paragraphs necessary therapy for me.
Yesterday I had to run to Target to get one little thing and I get in the first line at my end of the store. Then I notice that not one, but two women in front of me are very pregnant. The first one is going on and on to the second one about how they don't have anything for the baby and she is putting all these baby blankets, onesies and other baby paraphernalia on the conveyor. I think I actually scowled. Not when either one was looking of course, but I did. I went to another line and I left before the first lady even finished paying. So there! I got home and turned on the TV. Ah, Scrubs rerun! Just what I need. Oh wait a minute. I just happened to turn it on right when Carla is announcing she is pregnant. Seriously? The cosmos are having a fun day today, I get it. I can have a sense of humor. I'm laughing.
So today I go for my yearly exam. I was concerned about returning to the place where I had been given my very sad news, but I was actually ok. I knew I would see plenty of pregnant women today and guess what?! I didn't scowl once! I must be maturing or something. Well, I was in the waiting room and a visibly pregnant woman is sitting there and one other girl. I have my face buried in a book so I don't have to think about the stirrups that are in my near future and the pregnant girls says something that I pretend to ignore at first. Then I look up at her. "How far along are you?" I sat there for what felt like about five seconds, probably not near that long, and said "I'm not pregnant." There it is, like it was any of her business. She says innocently "Oh, I'm sorry!" and turns to the other girl, "How about you?" The other girl is twelve weeks. I was fine until that girl had to go and ruin it. I felt my eyes burn, but I was determined not to embarrass myself. The nurse called me back a few minutes later. I held it in through being weighed... and the nurse asks me when my last period was. I couldn't answer because I was already crying. She was obviously concerned that she had a crazy woman who spontaneously burst into tears over a benign question like when I had my period. But it had nothing to do with her and everything to do with that girl in the waiting room. I recovered enough to explain so she would not feel the need to call a psychiatrist. She apologized, I stopped crying, and the rest of my appointment went great actually.
I love my doctor. He informed me today that I can actually get pregnant when I ovulate on the left side even though I have no tube. It may not be as likely, but it can happen and I'm all about good news. He physically demonstrated it for me by using his arms (representative of the fallopian tubes) and showed me how our tubes sort of hang back behind our uterus (represented by his body). I was really trying to understand. He got on to the exam, and let me say, if you can have a "good" pap, that was the first "good" one I've ever had. I'm not the bravest of patients when it comes to these things, but he made it look like I was (have I said I love this man?). He finished up, then I apologized for being dense and asked him how it worked again. I thought each tube was connected to an ovary. How can the right tube get an egg from the left ovary? He was so sweet, he told me I was not dense and he realized why I was not understanding and he got a diagram for me to see. This time it made sense to me.
I left the office with a smile. Or atleast I felt like I was smiling and that was great.
Yesterday I had to run to Target to get one little thing and I get in the first line at my end of the store. Then I notice that not one, but two women in front of me are very pregnant. The first one is going on and on to the second one about how they don't have anything for the baby and she is putting all these baby blankets, onesies and other baby paraphernalia on the conveyor. I think I actually scowled. Not when either one was looking of course, but I did. I went to another line and I left before the first lady even finished paying. So there! I got home and turned on the TV. Ah, Scrubs rerun! Just what I need. Oh wait a minute. I just happened to turn it on right when Carla is announcing she is pregnant. Seriously? The cosmos are having a fun day today, I get it. I can have a sense of humor. I'm laughing.
So today I go for my yearly exam. I was concerned about returning to the place where I had been given my very sad news, but I was actually ok. I knew I would see plenty of pregnant women today and guess what?! I didn't scowl once! I must be maturing or something. Well, I was in the waiting room and a visibly pregnant woman is sitting there and one other girl. I have my face buried in a book so I don't have to think about the stirrups that are in my near future and the pregnant girls says something that I pretend to ignore at first. Then I look up at her. "How far along are you?" I sat there for what felt like about five seconds, probably not near that long, and said "I'm not pregnant." There it is, like it was any of her business. She says innocently "Oh, I'm sorry!" and turns to the other girl, "How about you?" The other girl is twelve weeks. I was fine until that girl had to go and ruin it. I felt my eyes burn, but I was determined not to embarrass myself. The nurse called me back a few minutes later. I held it in through being weighed... and the nurse asks me when my last period was. I couldn't answer because I was already crying. She was obviously concerned that she had a crazy woman who spontaneously burst into tears over a benign question like when I had my period. But it had nothing to do with her and everything to do with that girl in the waiting room. I recovered enough to explain so she would not feel the need to call a psychiatrist. She apologized, I stopped crying, and the rest of my appointment went great actually.
I love my doctor. He informed me today that I can actually get pregnant when I ovulate on the left side even though I have no tube. It may not be as likely, but it can happen and I'm all about good news. He physically demonstrated it for me by using his arms (representative of the fallopian tubes) and showed me how our tubes sort of hang back behind our uterus (represented by his body). I was really trying to understand. He got on to the exam, and let me say, if you can have a "good" pap, that was the first "good" one I've ever had. I'm not the bravest of patients when it comes to these things, but he made it look like I was (have I said I love this man?). He finished up, then I apologized for being dense and asked him how it worked again. I thought each tube was connected to an ovary. How can the right tube get an egg from the left ovary? He was so sweet, he told me I was not dense and he realized why I was not understanding and he got a diagram for me to see. This time it made sense to me.
I left the office with a smile. Or atleast I felt like I was smiling and that was great.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Grape Wishes
Well I survived.
Christmas 2008 was the first Christmas in history that I didn't want to come. Dread may be an exaggeration but apprehension would probably be appropriate. Usually I love the feeling of the Christmas season, there is just something in the air that time of year. This year was missing some of it's usual luster, but there were still plenty of good times. I just knew that having to deal with a different Christmas than I had imagined would be difficult. And it was. It is not that I have not been missing our little angel, but Christmas seemed to make it a little harder. I had imagined myself decorating our tree, hanging stockings, buying presents and spending all of Christmas pregnant. So there was a definite emptiness to it all, but rightfully so.
Also, this note to self: I'm not ready to hold a sleeping baby. A lesson learned the hard way. However, if there was a baby for me to be holding, it was baby Clara. She came to my cousin and his wife after trying for four years and one loss. She does bring us hope, but she also made my heart ache. Having her in my arms made me realize how empty they really feel. It was unfortunate that I was in a room full of people when the tears started to come, but at least it was family. I am so fortunate to have her mother to talk to. She really understands all of my selfish emotions, and I am blessed to have her in my life.
We also celebrated the New Year. Being retrospective for a moment - 2008 was a year of overcoming some obstacles. It was the beginning of my visits to an RE, a tube removed, a uterine septum corrected, a pregnancy and a loss. 2008 was a pretty big year for us. A lot more tears than the norm, a lot more stress. It wasn't all negative though. Jason continued to do well at work. I got a new job that has really been great for me. We went to New York City in October. Lots of good times with family.
New Year's Eve was spent at my sisters house. Thanks to Elizabeth for teaching me about a Mexican tradition, I was able to ring in the new year with a mouth full of grapes. Each grape representing a wish, and I believe I got to seven. I think it was supposed to be twelve, but I have a small mouth. One wish was of course dedicated for the obvious. The others were wishes for those around me. I really hope 2009 grants all of those wishes.
Christmas 2008 was the first Christmas in history that I didn't want to come. Dread may be an exaggeration but apprehension would probably be appropriate. Usually I love the feeling of the Christmas season, there is just something in the air that time of year. This year was missing some of it's usual luster, but there were still plenty of good times. I just knew that having to deal with a different Christmas than I had imagined would be difficult. And it was. It is not that I have not been missing our little angel, but Christmas seemed to make it a little harder. I had imagined myself decorating our tree, hanging stockings, buying presents and spending all of Christmas pregnant. So there was a definite emptiness to it all, but rightfully so.
Also, this note to self: I'm not ready to hold a sleeping baby. A lesson learned the hard way. However, if there was a baby for me to be holding, it was baby Clara. She came to my cousin and his wife after trying for four years and one loss. She does bring us hope, but she also made my heart ache. Having her in my arms made me realize how empty they really feel. It was unfortunate that I was in a room full of people when the tears started to come, but at least it was family. I am so fortunate to have her mother to talk to. She really understands all of my selfish emotions, and I am blessed to have her in my life.
We also celebrated the New Year. Being retrospective for a moment - 2008 was a year of overcoming some obstacles. It was the beginning of my visits to an RE, a tube removed, a uterine septum corrected, a pregnancy and a loss. 2008 was a pretty big year for us. A lot more tears than the norm, a lot more stress. It wasn't all negative though. Jason continued to do well at work. I got a new job that has really been great for me. We went to New York City in October. Lots of good times with family.
New Year's Eve was spent at my sisters house. Thanks to Elizabeth for teaching me about a Mexican tradition, I was able to ring in the new year with a mouth full of grapes. Each grape representing a wish, and I believe I got to seven. I think it was supposed to be twelve, but I have a small mouth. One wish was of course dedicated for the obvious. The others were wishes for those around me. I really hope 2009 grants all of those wishes.
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