Grape Wishes

Well I survived.

Christmas 2008 was the first Christmas in history that I didn't want to come. Dread may be an exaggeration but apprehension would probably be appropriate. Usually I love the feeling of the Christmas season, there is just something in the air that time of year. This year was missing some of it's usual luster, but there were still plenty of good times. I just knew that having to deal with a different Christmas than I had imagined would be difficult. And it was. It is not that I have not been missing our little angel, but Christmas seemed to make it a little harder. I had imagined myself decorating our tree, hanging stockings, buying presents and spending all of Christmas pregnant. So there was a definite emptiness to it all, but rightfully so.

Also, this note to self: I'm not ready to hold a sleeping baby. A lesson learned the hard way. However, if there was a baby for me to be holding, it was baby Clara. She came to my cousin and his wife after trying for four years and one loss. She does bring us hope, but she also made my heart ache. Having her in my arms made me realize how empty they really feel. It was unfortunate that I was in a room full of people when the tears started to come, but at least it was family. I am so fortunate to have her mother to talk to. She really understands all of my selfish emotions, and I am blessed to have her in my life.

We also celebrated the New Year. Being retrospective for a moment - 2008 was a year of overcoming some obstacles. It was the beginning of my visits to an RE, a tube removed, a uterine septum corrected, a pregnancy and a loss. 2008 was a pretty big year for us. A lot more tears than the norm, a lot more stress. It wasn't all negative though. Jason continued to do well at work. I got a new job that has really been great for me. We went to New York City in October. Lots of good times with family.

New Year's Eve was spent at my sisters house. Thanks to Elizabeth for teaching me about a Mexican tradition, I was able to ring in the new year with a mouth full of grapes. Each grape representing a wish, and I believe I got to seven. I think it was supposed to be twelve, but I have a small mouth. One wish was of course dedicated for the obvious. The others were wishes for those around me. I really hope 2009 grants all of those wishes.