A Day for Mothers

Today is the day we celebrate mothers and all that they do. In some ways I feel like I am a mother, but a mother with empty arms and a heavy heart. A mother of an angel I can only dream of meeting some day. In other ways I feel like I have no rights to the word "mother". All week I have been wrestling with the emotions that have come with this day.

I think of what could be...
nine months pregnant
nursery coming together
showers, gifts, celebrating
big round belly
sonogram photos adorning the fridge
baby name books
anticipation for the arrival of our child

I think of the reality...
an aching in my heart
sadness, bitterness, desperation
a box with positive pregnancy tests, sympathy cards, and our baby's only picture
a dream that has yet to come true

What I'm thankful for...
My mother.
I have been so blessed to have a woman like her as my mom. I would try to go into all the reasons why I feel this way, but I'm not interested in inducing carpel tunnel at this time. Just know that I pray I can be a mother like her some day. I love her with all my heart and am so glad to not only call her my mom, but also a best friend.

I pray that next Mother's Day will be very different for me. I pray that ttc has not changed me forever. I pray that someday I will be able to heal this aching heart.

A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.
~Tenneva Jordan