Dreaming

I dream just about every night. I dream about anything and everything. Since we started ttc I have had a lot of dreams of us having a child. Always a girl though. For some reason I'd always been able to picture us with girls, but not boys. That was the case until our pregnancy anyway. I still feel in my heart that our little baby was a boy. The other night I dreamt that we had a baby boy. I can say with almost absolute certainty that I have never had a dream of us having a boy. I picked him up, snuggled him and gave him kisses. I was so incredibly happy.

I'm so ready for that dream to be real.

I'm so ready to not be this person anymore.

I'm ready to be happy again. Yes, I'm happy plenty of the time, but it's a fragile sort of happiness. A happiness that can be snatched away at any second. Sometimes I manage to push the sadness way back, all the way back to where I almost forget it's there. But I don't think I ever truly forget.